A Guest Post by Josh

For those of you that don’t know me, I’m Lisa’s BIFF (Best Internet Friend Forever). You’re probably wondering why I’m writing on Lisa’s blog. It’s simple: I took it over for the day and I’m bringing you a special, awesome, birthday post.

Lisa and I have known each other since the dawn of time. We discovered fire together. You are welcome by the way. We also invented the wheel, but at the time, we didn’t call it “wheel” we simply called it “weirdly shaped, smooth rock that is useful”. We also invented sliced bread. You are welcome for that also.

So maybe we haven’t really been friends since the dawn of time, but it’s close. We met 30 internet years ago in the old K2 forums. If you take anything from the previous sentence it should be this; we are internet geeks. At first, we didn’t talk much outside the forums. We’d read each other’s blogs, take over forum threads together, make each other laugh with our witty, sarcastic humor. It wasn’t until I broke up with an ex girlfriend and I moved back to New York that we really started talking. Funny thing, not once did I think about getting in her pants. So weird, I know. But I think that we both realized once we started talking that we were meant to be best friends forever.

Lisa was a first for me. Not that I haven’t ever had internet friends before, but I’ve never been able to open up to anyone like I’ve been able to with Lisa. Lisa was one of the first people ever to know that I am Transgender. Everything that happens to me, she’s one of the first people I tell. She is always around to listen to me whine, complain, gush, and cry. This is why she’s a first for me. I’ve never been able to open up to people like this before and if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be able to do it with other people.

Living without Lisa is no long an option. On some level, we’re soul mates, meant to travel the depths of the Internet together. Find a cool link? Share it with Lisa. Break up with a girlfriend? Call Lisa saying ZOMG! If I ever need advice, usually about girls, I turn to Lisa. She might not always know the answer to my girl related questions, but at least I know I’m not the only one completely confused by girls. It helps that, you know, she’s a girl. If I ever feel like an asshole, which is often, she makes me feel like less of an asshole.

Lisa says she is unsympathetic, however, I’ve never seen that side of her. She’s one of my biggest supporters, one of the biggest influences, and a constant force of inspiration to me. She’s the optimistic one in our friendship, and at this point in my life, I desperately need optimism.

Aside from all the serious stuff, she’s one of the only people I can talk about robots with. Or the fact that I really, really, want a giant heart-shaped bed with leopard print sheets. Preferably one that vibrates. We share a love for Chuck Palahniuk, but if she hated him I would still love her. We understand each other’s geekiness and awkwardness.

Over the years, Lisa has done so much for me. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have had the balls to ask out a girl, or tell internet crush girl that I like her. I also think that back in February, when I found out about my heart, if Lisa hadn’t been there, I would have simply given up. In return, I wanted to do something for her. I made up a list of things that Lisa needs to do this year, and hopefully, if she follows my advice, she will have the best year ever. Let me just point out that I absolutely love lists and if I didn’t love Lisa, I wouldn’t make her one of her own.

The Lisa List

  1. I’ve given a lot of thought about this list. I always have trouble thinking of what to put as number one, however, with this list there was no question what would go here. So, number one on the list: Get Laid.
  2. Number two was also easy to come up with. I’m going out to California sometime within the next couple of months to see Lisa. She has a Wii. She has Guitar Hero. Number two is get better at Guitar Hero. I don’t want to show up, on your home turf no less, and kick your ass. :) Love you Lisa.
  3. This one is important. Get laid again. Of course, I’m only looking out for you here.
  4. Finally write that post about me that I’ve been waiting a few months for. :) In it you should say that a) I am awesome, b) that I like long walks on the beach preferably during sunset and along the Pacific Ocean, not the Atlantic (because it smells), and c) that internet crush girl should either let me call her or she should call me. Not only would this boost my already huge ego, but if it works then I could stop bugging you about internet crush girl and you would have more time to work on the rest of the list.
  5. This is probably the hardest one to do but it’ll also make the biggest difference. Number five is to stop over-thinking, over-analyzing, and just have fun. I suffer from this also, but sometimes you just need to let things happen.

Lisa, I wish you the happiest birthday ever. I know you’ve already had a good one since you had a kick ass party on Friday, you got your new bed, and you’re getting an iPhone. But aside from that, I really hope that you have a great year because after all the shit I put you through, you deserve it.

Happy Birthday Lisa.